How To Make Your Wife Happy

Okay, so men usually agree that women are mysteries, and are very difficult to figure out.  There are so many differences that it doesn't seem like we really can connect and make our wives happy.  If you're like me, you hate to see your wife upset.  Plus, the old addage, Happy Wife, Happy Life, holds true, right?

First off, know that you aren't responsible for your wife's happiness, and the reverse holds true as well.  If you're struggling with feeling grumpy and depressed, look at yourself first and figure out why that's happening and why that is affecting you and your family.  One thing I've learned, it's not my wife's responsibility to keep me spiritually or even emotionally fed.  I have to know myself and my identity in Christ before I can be the husband I need to be.

We, as husbands, also need to realize that our wives are made so different than us.  Even if their primary love language isn't words of affirmation (yes, I did read The Five Love Languages), they still need your attention and the time you talk and listen to them.  Their minds and their hearts are relational based and if you take the time to listen and be part of their struggles and triumphs, you will find their love grows.

Some of the things I've found with Brianna that tend to bring us closer together:

• Our late night conversations.  We can spend hours snuggled in bed talking about everything under the sun.  From our dreams of the future, to current struggles, to even theological discussions, we cover a lot of topics.  I take the time to listen to her viewpoint, repeat it back to her if I don't get it, and to accept her view on things.
• Time.  Setting aside the time to spend with Brianna has been very important.  Take this weekend for instance.  We have church Saturday night and Sunday morning, and every other Sunday evening a college/career type group, so our weekends are very busy.  This Sunday afternoon and evening, we had nothing happening.  All of a sudden my sister-in-law calls and wants to play Settlers of Catan with us.  Normally we would jump on that; we love that game!  However, with how busy the weekend was, we needed the time to just be with each other.  Thus, we said no.  Now, we still want to play that game and will make the time to do so, we just needed that specific time together with each other.
• The little things.  My mother will attest that I don't like doing dishes.  Definitely not my favorite job in the world.  Yet, there are times that I do them.  Not because I love dishes, but because I love my wife and want to serve her.  Same with any chore around the house.  You may not do them regularly, but to be deliberate about serving your wife makes her feel like a queen!  Also, my wife loves head massages and I know I'm making her happy with that.  
• And I almost forgot:  Prayer.  We pray together every night and it connects us with each other and with God.  Something about being thankful, putting our faith together, and lifting our lives up to God is a huge encourager to our marriage.

I think my biggest piece of advice is to remember Ephesians 5:25-33.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.^{[a] 28}In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰because we are members of his body. ³¹ "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." ³²This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

 I think this passage bears a lot of thinking about and learning to apply it to your life.  It's huge to think that you take care of yourself, so you need to take care of your wife in the same way.  And also, we are little Christs, made in His image, and we can act like it.   

Your wife deserves a loving and caring husband.  She is a priceless jewel that needs your love and protection.  You are able to love her well!!

Wives: what do your husbands do that make you happy and loved?  Husbands:  what can you do to speak and care for your wife? 

The Love and Respect Experience - Review

After talking about books, I now offer you a review of a book.  The Love & Respect Experience: A Husband-Friendly Devotional that Wives Truly Love by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. 

This is a devotional, divided into 52 small chapters, with each chapter ending with a Prayer topic and an Action to do with your spouse.  Each chapter deals with a topic common to marriage. I wanted to sit down and read the whole thing through, but since it is a devotional, that didn't seem right to me.  What I did then was to read the introduction and then bounced around the different chapters.

Dr. Eggerichs is know for talking about how men need Respect and how women need Love.  Men and women are made different, looking at the world through different eyes, but if we can learn how to meet each other's needs, our marriages will work better.

A few things popped out at me in my reading:

• Goodwill.  Our marriages need to be based on goodwill.  We need to have the intention, the purpose in our marriage to do good to our spouse.  If a disagreement happens, don't immediately think that they intended that purposefully or maliciously - give them the goodwill benefit of the doubt.  
• Money problems can dig deep and reveal our faults - how mature or immature we are.  We need to deal with the problems together, putting aside frustrations and anger; instead communicate and work through the issue together.  Show love and respect in how we handle money.
• The title of chapter 24 is "It's Hard to be Negative While Being Thankful."  He goes on to describe a tough time in their lives dealing with a son's broken leg and dream and how his wife learned to be thankful even during that hard time.  Developing a habit of thanksgiving drives the negative out - you see others in a more positive light.

All in all, I think this has potential to be a really good devotional.  It's definitely made me want to read the book these concepts come from (Love and Respect by the same author). I look forward to exploring this devotional with my wife.

Moving Pictures vs. The Written Word

I used to be quite the reader.  I read voraciously through out my teen years.  Novels mostly, Sci-fi and fantasy were quite high up on the list.  I also liked mysteries, westerns, and the Christian novel.  Basically if it told a story, I liked it.

Then I went to college.  There, reading consisted of textbooks, textbooks, research, and, yes, more textbooks.   Since I had to read every word in order to comprehend it, I would spend hours in the library, at Sharis, in the park and anywhere I could find a comfortable chair, reading my books.  Usually I'd be ahead in my reading (learned a lot about scheduling and time management back then), but still, my brain would feel stretched and fried by the end of the evening.

My recreation of choice changed from reading a novel to watching movies.  Springfield has a lovely $1.50 theater where it was quite easy to see movies for cheap.  Most Friday nights would find me and my friends watching the latest action film or comedy or whatever piqued our interest at that time.  It was common to hit the theater and meet people you hadn't seen for awhile there.  Almost a social networking site without being on the internet and 100s of miles apart.

All that to say is that I've slowly gotten back into reading novels.  However, I'm finding it more difficult to be sucked in.  I just picked up a book that my wife had, and started reading, yet, even through the first chapter and I wanted to set it down and go do something else.  That either means that Francine Rivers isn't as engaging an author as I remember or that I lost my focus...  hmmmm...

The other thing I've noticed in my reading habits is that I go through cycles.  I've been trying to read a lot of non-fiction, uplifting and educational books lately.  Some grab me, make me interested in seeing how the author expounds on his point, others leave me bored and wanting more.  Again, is this the author's fault or is it my lack of focus?

Or is it that explosions have become much more interesting than the written word?

I hope not.  The worlds that books open up are myriad and filled with a variety of creatures and thoughts.  I want to explore them for the rest of my life.

Being thankful

Lisa, my friend from Eugene has bee talking about thankfulness, and has been writing a post a day this month about what she's thankful for.  (Check out her blog!)  It makes me think about how life tends to run by and we take so many things for granted.

Take technology for instance:  I'm writing this blog on my laptop with my blackberry sitting next to me.  I have an ipod plugged into a player (currently listening to Tim Hughes) sitting across from me.  I have the ability to be connected to so many different people over so many different ways.  It amazes me that I can talk to people in the States, in Taiwan, and all over the world through the Internet.  We are truly blessed to have technology like this.

And what about the basics?  Shelter, clothing, food.  I just ate leftover taco salad, munching on some grapes, and we have a full fridge and stuff in the freezer,  My apartment is warm, despite the cold snow outside and I can put on a jacket if I'm slightly chilled (fighting turning the heat on).  I have a table to eat on, set my computer, and play games on.  Wow, am I thankful for this!!

We come to the relationships around us.  I am totally blessed to be married to a woman of God, someone who listens to me, gets my humor, and who is sharing life with me!  Her family is a blessing and so are the people here in Rocky.  I am blessed by being in a church family that loves me and who are strong in their faith!  I am also blessed that I have so many friends over all the world. 

So yeah, I have a lot to be thankful for.  It's a big deal to look at our lives and not focus on the negatives or the pain, but to see how God has blessed us.  He gives us so much! 

What things do you take for granted?  What can you look at and start thanking God for?