How to love your wife

We all know the story:  Husband comes in after work, turns on the tv and starts to veg.  Wife comes in and starts to talk.  Husband grunts, wife wants to know what is going on in his life, husband grunts and turns up the tv.  Wife gets mad and starts yelling and eventually leaves.  (I think I just described every sitcom out there).

Men, this is not a good thing.  If your wife does not feel loved, listened to, and a part of you, she will be lonely and feel like you don't care.  This leads to dysfunction and an unhappy marriage.  Take the initiative and be involved in your wife's life. 

Here are a few practical ways to love your wife:

• Spend time with her.  Set aside the computer, the football game, the puttering in the yard, the video games and take the time to engage with her.  One of the things my wife appreciates is when I show her love by being available for her when she gets home.  I try to do chores or something not computer related when I know she's coming home soon.  
  
• Do little things for her.  Putting away dishes, doing a load of laundry, or any various chores speaks a lot to your wife.  Even the act of opening a door will show her that you love her and care for her.
  
• Be romantic.  Don't turn off that part of you just because you're married.  Bringing home a bouquet of flowers for no particular reason makes your wife feel special.  Say "I love you" and "you're beautiful" and mean it.  Again, make your wife feel special.  Don't do it in a selfish manner, but put her before yourself.
  
  
• Remember, she's made of spaghetti, following topics one right after another.  I know that can be difficult and by remembering that, you can switch boxes better.  Let her know that she's moving too fast or that you need to switch boxes before she starts talking.
  
• I know that as men we have been taught to be closed in our emotions and not let anyone in.  Guys, that's one of the surest ways to drive your wife away!  Learn how to let your walls down and let your wife see your feelings and your deepest desires.  She will respond in a myriad of ways to that intimacy and your marriage will be stronger for that.
  
• Be the leader and the protector of your marriage. 
  
• Be willing to admit your faults and be willing to work on your marriage.  Everyone can learn to love more, and you're no exception. 
  
• Take time to grow in God.  Allow the Holy Spirit to guide your life and pull you closer to Him.  Be disciplined in your reading of the Word, even if you don't like reading.  It is the best way to learn how to live your life in love and respect.
  
• Pray together.  Make a habit of going to bed and praying over each other before you go to sleep.
  
• Read marriage books and learn more ways to love your wife.  Ask the elders you know who have good, strong, and Godly marriages about what they have done.  

I know there are a lot more ways and methods to build a strong marriage.  Be open and loving to your wife and you will see yourself change and then you'll see change in her. 

Have you tried any of these ideas?  How did they work?  What other things do you do to love your wife?

What Place Does The Computer Hold?

I like computers.  I have a Facebook account, a Twitter feed, and a blog.  I like watching YouTube videos and occasionally chatting.  Yes, I even check my email every hour or less.  I play games and even get close to winning them.

Yet I have started to realize something about my time on the computer.  My computer doesn't talk to me.  It doesn't listen to my dreams.  It doesn't respond to a hug.  It doesn't confide its secrets and desires in me.

The worst thing this computer does is become a time waster.  I was recently reminded of this when we got home the other night.  I immediately turned the computer on and checked my Facebook, my email, and started a game.  Meanwhile, my wife was wanting my help with some chores, and time with me.

It also can suck my time away from pursuing God.  This makes it an idol.  Seeking God has to be our first priority in life, not seeking the high score in the latest Facebook game.

Now I'm not saying get rid of the computer or never spend time on it.  Obviously I'm using it right now.  There are many good things about the computer and many good ways to use it as a tool.  Just don't let it become your god. Find that balance in your life.

For example:  I made a commitment to my wife that I wouldn't use the computer during the evening unless we agreed on it.  It's a way that I get to say to my wife that I value her and that she's more important than any electric box. 

Where does the computer fall in your priorities?  What actions do you need to take to make a change in your life?

A few things I have learned in Marriage

Our two month anniversary is quickly approaching and so I thought I'd sit down and talk a bit about things I have learned about marriage in this short time.

• The first is the "yes, dear."  This is the best answer for pretty much any request.  "Put the toilet seat cover down!"  "Yes, dear."  "Vacuum the crumbs up!"  "Yes, dear."  Yeah, you get the picture.  *grins*
• In actuality, being willing to help Brianna out has kept our relationship open.  She feels secure when she knows that I can help her out around the house.  Take last night for instance:  We were getting ready for people to come over and I looked up at the clock and saw that it was getting close.  I shut the laptop down and started putting away dishes, clearing the tables, and various other tidying things.  She later thanked me for my help.  Made me feel like a million bucks to be able to serve my wife that way.
• Listening.  Yes, the thing that guys have difficulty with.  I have to be willing to set my book aside or my laptop, or whatever I'm working on, to listen to my wife's concerns and even just listen to what she has done in the day.  I have been intentional to greet her with a kiss and listen to the overview of the day.  This has set the tone for the rest of the evening and is a good way to acknowledge her place in my life.
• Talking.  Yep, I do talk to my wife.  I tell her about my day, about my dreams, about what God is doing in me and just about life in general.  
• Praying.  One of my favorite things is when we've settled down in bed and are just about ready to sleep.  We make a point to lie the events of the day before God.  We pray for people, we pray for needs, and we pray for our needs and marriage.  It is the best thing we have done and we intend on doing it for the rest of our lives!

Life has changed and I have had to learn to purposefully change the way I look at things.  I have to think about Brianna, before I think about myself.  This has been the best challenge I have ever had and it is a wonderful growing experience!  Yes, the marriage has barely started, but I know that I am married to the best woman that I will ever know!  The years ahead are going to be a challenge, but I know that as long as we base our marriage in God and spend the time necessary to feed and water it, that we will grow roots and branches that are strong and mighty!

How about you?  What have you learned in your marriage?  What has challenged you?