"Before You Plan Your Wedding, Plan Your Marriage" Review

Greg and Erin Smalley are relationship speakers who have written this book with the engaged couple in mind. The writing style is very conversational, telling stories about how their engagement and marriage worked, giving good examples of how not to solve problems as well as how to solve those problems.

We took a long time working through this book, just because we wanted to read it aloud to one another. In the middle of wedding planning was both a good time and a bad time to try to read this book. A good time because we were dealing with some of the examples they gave. A bad time because we were simply too busy, especially the last week, to finish it. That said, we did get most of the book done before the wedding and just now finished it up.

A few of the points that I pulled from the book:

• Make a safe place. Don't be harsh to one another and cause walls to go up. If you are in a safe place relationally, that allows you to hold your heart out and trust the other person.
• Know yourself and deal with your own problems. Don't expect your spouse to solve your issues. You have a responsibility to yourself and to your spouse to be healthy, both emotionally and spiritually.
• We all have buttons that get pushed. Get to know what your buttons are and why they hurt. Deal with it and don't get caught in a fear dance. Fear dancing is basically entering into a conflict and letting your buttons get pushed and then you push the other person's and the dance goes on.
  
• Find ways to be a team and make decisions in a win-win way. What does a win look like for you in this situation? Sorta a compromise but not in a one person losing type of a way.

A lot of this book promoted good discussion between Brianna and I. I have good memories of reading a section in the car and then discussing the topic for many a mile. I definitely recommend this as a conversation starter. And it's a good communication building tool to read it out loud to each other. I would recommend this for both engaged couples and those who are already married! There are concepts in here that would benefit all couples.

Five Stars!