Anniversary trip

Better late then never - It's the anniversary post!!!

Tuesday, August 7th, JC and I got to celebrate our First Anniversary!!!   We had planned and saved for several months and budgeted enough to go to Jasper National Park for two days and celebrate together.  We had a slight hiccup in our plans, since we both ended up with really bad colds the weekend before (complete with nasty ear infection and pink eye for me – Yay!).  We were feeling much better by Tuesday, thanks to Tylenol Sinus, Buckley’s Cold and Sinus, and my lovely bottle of antibiotics pills and eye drops, but we still felt a little under the weather.  Nevertheless, we decided no mere cold would hold us back, so armed with endless supplies of Kleenex and cold meds, we got up early Tuesday morning and packed our stuff into the car and headed off for an adventure.  We were also armed with Timmies coffees, which I think helped a lot too.  The caffeine helped counteract the slight sleepiness the cold pills were giving me…   : )  

But before I continue, I should back up… that morning right after our alarms went off at 6:00, we exchanged anniversary gifts.  JC went all out for me. 

Hmm, slight back-up again… first… The night before he gave me a thumb drive that was filled with music for me to listen to at work, as well as nine short 2-3 minute videos of him on a number of subjects; everything from memories to plans of the future.  It was so sweet!  Yes, he made me cry… in a good way.  He also stuck a couple short videos of my nephew laughing like crazy while being pushed around in his wagon, which are always awesome.  

Ok, back to morning… I opened two small jewellery boxes.  In the first one I found a beautiful silver and agate necklace that JC’s Grandpa gave his Grandma, back when they were dating.  Apparently, his Grandma had given the necklace to JC’s Mom, Ruth, with instructions that it be given to JC to give to his bride someday.  Very sweet and very cool gift!  I love heirlooms!  The other jewellery box contained a beautiful pair of black agate earrings to match the necklace.  Totally awesome gifts!  My hubby is so sweet!  

Back to the trip.  The forecast had been for rain and cloudy skies all day for Rocky and Jasper, but with the slight exception of some cloud about an hour west of Rocky that lasted all of 15 minutes, it was clear skies for the whole drive.  The scenery was gorgeous, as always.  I absolutely LOVE driving through the National Parks.   The majesty and beauty of the Rocky Mountains are amazing to me.  

We got to Jasper around noon and enjoyed a nice picnic lunch at a cute day-use area at Pyramid Lake.  It was so quiet and serene… It started to cloud up then and we got into the car just in time to avoid a rain shower.   We decided to check out Maligne Canyon, Medicine Lake, and Maligne Lake, however due to a mudslide from all the rain they had recently, the road was blocked off just past the Canyon.  Oh well, the lakes will wait til next time.  The canyon was awesome though, as usual.  I love the mist from the falls and the sound of the crashing water.  It’s my favorite stop in Jasper.  

We went to check into our hotel then, only to find that they had booked us into a Standard Room with a queen size bed, instead of the King size we booked online.  Well, the manager looked around on the computer and said that all their King rooms were booked, however if we wanted, he would give us a full suite with a queen size bed for our troubles.  Yeah, we totally said Yes to that!   So, we got a really nice, spacious, one bedroom suite, complete with living room and kitchen/dining, for the price of our original standard room…. Twice the room for half the price.  I love it!  

We had searched online for a good restaurant to go to for dinner that night and had settled on The Pines, a nice restaurant out at Pyramid Lake.  The reviews online were all good and the menu sounded yummy.  Well, the reviews were bang-on.  The restaurant was nice and quiet, and we got a table right beside the windows so we could look out on the lake and enjoy the scenery.  The food was delicious, from our roasted garlic, warm Camembert cheese and crusty bread appetizer, to our two entrees of grilled halibut, risotto and green beans, and stuffed chicken breast, scalloped potatoes and grilled veggies, to our lovely dessert of chocolate cream cheese mousse between layers of rich chocolate cake, with whipped cream and berries.  It was all Y-U-M-M-Y!  Our server even gave us our dessert on the house, since it was our anniversary.  It was such a nice, romantic dinner and we both loved it.  

The next day we enjoyed the breakfast buffet and strolled through all the shops in the town site and did some shopping.  By noon, JC was feeling a bit sick again, so we decided to slowly wind our way home.  We stopped a couple times to take some photos of the mountains and enjoy the views.  Once out of the Park, we stopped at a cute little campground and had another picnic lunch, before heading home.  Nice little place by a creek… we plan on taking our tent there next summer and camping for a weekend.  We got home at supper time and spent the evening relaxing on the couch, eating chicken fingers and curly fries, and watching Cars 2.  Perfect way to end the day!  : )  

Well, that was our first anniversary.  I loved spending the special time with my awesome hubby.  We made some great memories and had a wonderful time together.  We are both so glad we took that step a year ago and said “I do” and we’re anxious to see what the next year holds for us.  I know one thing for sure: God is good and the future looks glorious!
  

How to love your wife

We all know the story:  Husband comes in after work, turns on the tv and starts to veg.  Wife comes in and starts to talk.  Husband grunts, wife wants to know what is going on in his life, husband grunts and turns up the tv.  Wife gets mad and starts yelling and eventually leaves.  (I think I just described every sitcom out there).

Men, this is not a good thing.  If your wife does not feel loved, listened to, and a part of you, she will be lonely and feel like you don't care.  This leads to dysfunction and an unhappy marriage.  Take the initiative and be involved in your wife's life. 

Here are a few practical ways to love your wife:

• Spend time with her.  Set aside the computer, the football game, the puttering in the yard, the video games and take the time to engage with her.  One of the things my wife appreciates is when I show her love by being available for her when she gets home.  I try to do chores or something not computer related when I know she's coming home soon.  
  
• Do little things for her.  Putting away dishes, doing a load of laundry, or any various chores speaks a lot to your wife.  Even the act of opening a door will show her that you love her and care for her.
  
• Be romantic.  Don't turn off that part of you just because you're married.  Bringing home a bouquet of flowers for no particular reason makes your wife feel special.  Say "I love you" and "you're beautiful" and mean it.  Again, make your wife feel special.  Don't do it in a selfish manner, but put her before yourself.
  
  
• Remember, she's made of spaghetti, following topics one right after another.  I know that can be difficult and by remembering that, you can switch boxes better.  Let her know that she's moving too fast or that you need to switch boxes before she starts talking.
  
• I know that as men we have been taught to be closed in our emotions and not let anyone in.  Guys, that's one of the surest ways to drive your wife away!  Learn how to let your walls down and let your wife see your feelings and your deepest desires.  She will respond in a myriad of ways to that intimacy and your marriage will be stronger for that.
  
• Be the leader and the protector of your marriage. 
  
• Be willing to admit your faults and be willing to work on your marriage.  Everyone can learn to love more, and you're no exception. 
  
• Take time to grow in God.  Allow the Holy Spirit to guide your life and pull you closer to Him.  Be disciplined in your reading of the Word, even if you don't like reading.  It is the best way to learn how to live your life in love and respect.
  
• Pray together.  Make a habit of going to bed and praying over each other before you go to sleep.
  
• Read marriage books and learn more ways to love your wife.  Ask the elders you know who have good, strong, and Godly marriages about what they have done.  

I know there are a lot more ways and methods to build a strong marriage.  Be open and loving to your wife and you will see yourself change and then you'll see change in her. 

Have you tried any of these ideas?  How did they work?  What other things do you do to love your wife?

What Makes a Great Marriage???

Calling all “God, My Weird Spouse, and I” readers!!! We would love some reader input and comments on this question, “What makes a great marriage?” JC and I have read through several excellent marriage books and we’ve both had great examples of good marriages in our parents, and we’ve asked a lot of questions and had some awesome advice given to us. So I think we’ve got a pretty good foundation to build a great marriage relationship on. But hey, we’ve only been married 5 months, and all the book knowledge in the world doesn’t compare to living out a great marriage over time… and I know there are a lot of you out there who have more great advice and thoughts on this. I’m going to share some of the things that we’ve found, and I hope you readers out there will chime in and expand on some of our thoughts or bring up some brand new ideas!

Here are a couple basic things that I think make a great marriage:

• Not to sound cliché and all Christian-ey, but honestly, the best thing you can do for your marriage is base it in a strong faith in God. When both husband and wife are believers and they keep God first in their lives, it truly revolutionizes how they will interact as a couple, because they’re not going to be left to rely on their own strength alone… They’re going to have God’s grace and wisdom ready and available whenever they need it, for better or for worse! My favorite piece of marriage advice so far was from JC’s best man, Reece. He said, “Remember to keep your focus on serving God and serving your spouse. When you do that, marriage is awesome!”
• Communication! You can’t really know or understand your spouse without good, open communication. When JC and I spend time together communicating, whether its 3 minutes or 3 hours, we get that little bit closer to each other, we understand each other that little bit better, and we both end up feeling secure and happy. It truly opens the door to feeling safe and having complete trust between spouses
• All that fun physical stuff! :D Yes, I mean sex…. But not just that. (Yes, I am blushing while writing this… sheesh) I mean all the other stuff too, like holding hands, giving a hug, sitting with your arm around the other one, stolen smooches, snuggling in bed… There is just something about physical affection and intimacy that makes marriage fun! I can’t imagine how a couple could be close and experience a great relationship without it… Everyone needs to feel wanted and desired and attractive to their spouse. God designed physical intimacy to exist only in marriage and there’s a reason for it – it binds you closer together as a married couple… a closeness that wouldn’t happen otherwise. So, make sure you give your spouse an extra kiss today when you see them! I know I will…
• JC and I are both firm believers that humor is essential to our relationship. We discovered early on that we shared a common sense of humor and it has made for some awesome times. Sharing a good laugh together feels good, and makes both people happy! But more than just laughing at the silly stuff in life, we’ve found that laughter makes a huge difference in our ability to deal with issues. Humor helps keep possible conflict issues in perspective. It is so easy to make mountains out of molehills if we let animosity, irritation, or offence rule… so keeping a lighter perspective helps us to see how little and/or silly some of these things are (I find this incredibly useful!) It also puts us in a way better mood to bring the issue up with the other person!
• An attitude of Camaraderie. An online dictionary defined camaraderie as “a spirit of friendly good fellowship” and “mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together.” I like that! As a couple, you need to have an attitude that you take joy in being friends and in doing things together. Your spouse should be your best, most trusted friend… the person you love being with and fellowshipping with more than anyone else. We’ve found that even the simple things, when done together at friends, brings us even closer.

And that’s all that is coming to my head at the moment, so there you go…

So, what can you guys add? We want to hear what you think makes for a great marriage!

Looking back on 2011's good things

My friend Lisa posted on her blog about seeing miracles in 2011.  That made me think about 2011 and the various things that have happened this last year.

• The biggest is my marriage to Brianna.  We're at our 5 months of marriage mark and I'm so very happy to have this lady as my wife.  She is a support and an encourager for me.
• I'm also involved in the church, teaching Sunday school for the 1st through 5th grade.  Loving these kids and the opportunity to speak into their lives.
• We are incredibly blessed!  Our apartment is completely outfitted, and we recently realized that we really don't need anything (beyond the groceries, of course).  We are content with what we have.  Kind of a strange place to be at the beginning of our marriage, but a good place.
• We have started paying off debt.  We just got the first $1000 emergency fund saved up and starting to make extra payments to the credit cards.  It is definitely a blessing to see God's hand in providing for us!
• My family grew by marriage and I became an instant uncle!  Gabe is such a blessing and I love that little boy so much!  Looking forward to watching him grow and learn.

And now we have a new year to look forward to.  God is working in our lives and it's going to be so much fun to see how it all works out!

How about your look at 2011?  What good things happened last year?

How To Make Your Wife Happy

Okay, so men usually agree that women are mysteries, and are very difficult to figure out.  There are so many differences that it doesn't seem like we really can connect and make our wives happy.  If you're like me, you hate to see your wife upset.  Plus, the old addage, Happy Wife, Happy Life, holds true, right?

First off, know that you aren't responsible for your wife's happiness, and the reverse holds true as well.  If you're struggling with feeling grumpy and depressed, look at yourself first and figure out why that's happening and why that is affecting you and your family.  One thing I've learned, it's not my wife's responsibility to keep me spiritually or even emotionally fed.  I have to know myself and my identity in Christ before I can be the husband I need to be.

We, as husbands, also need to realize that our wives are made so different than us.  Even if their primary love language isn't words of affirmation (yes, I did read The Five Love Languages), they still need your attention and the time you talk and listen to them.  Their minds and their hearts are relational based and if you take the time to listen and be part of their struggles and triumphs, you will find their love grows.

Some of the things I've found with Brianna that tend to bring us closer together:

• Our late night conversations.  We can spend hours snuggled in bed talking about everything under the sun.  From our dreams of the future, to current struggles, to even theological discussions, we cover a lot of topics.  I take the time to listen to her viewpoint, repeat it back to her if I don't get it, and to accept her view on things.
• Time.  Setting aside the time to spend with Brianna has been very important.  Take this weekend for instance.  We have church Saturday night and Sunday morning, and every other Sunday evening a college/career type group, so our weekends are very busy.  This Sunday afternoon and evening, we had nothing happening.  All of a sudden my sister-in-law calls and wants to play Settlers of Catan with us.  Normally we would jump on that; we love that game!  However, with how busy the weekend was, we needed the time to just be with each other.  Thus, we said no.  Now, we still want to play that game and will make the time to do so, we just needed that specific time together with each other.
• The little things.  My mother will attest that I don't like doing dishes.  Definitely not my favorite job in the world.  Yet, there are times that I do them.  Not because I love dishes, but because I love my wife and want to serve her.  Same with any chore around the house.  You may not do them regularly, but to be deliberate about serving your wife makes her feel like a queen!  Also, my wife loves head massages and I know I'm making her happy with that.  
• And I almost forgot:  Prayer.  We pray together every night and it connects us with each other and with God.  Something about being thankful, putting our faith together, and lifting our lives up to God is a huge encourager to our marriage.

I think my biggest piece of advice is to remember Ephesians 5:25-33.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.^{[a] 28}In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰because we are members of his body. ³¹ "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." ³²This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

 I think this passage bears a lot of thinking about and learning to apply it to your life.  It's huge to think that you take care of yourself, so you need to take care of your wife in the same way.  And also, we are little Christs, made in His image, and we can act like it.   

Your wife deserves a loving and caring husband.  She is a priceless jewel that needs your love and protection.  You are able to love her well!!

Wives: what do your husbands do that make you happy and loved?  Husbands:  what can you do to speak and care for your wife? 

The Love and Respect Experience - Review

After talking about books, I now offer you a review of a book.  The Love & Respect Experience: A Husband-Friendly Devotional that Wives Truly Love by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. 

This is a devotional, divided into 52 small chapters, with each chapter ending with a Prayer topic and an Action to do with your spouse.  Each chapter deals with a topic common to marriage. I wanted to sit down and read the whole thing through, but since it is a devotional, that didn't seem right to me.  What I did then was to read the introduction and then bounced around the different chapters.

Dr. Eggerichs is know for talking about how men need Respect and how women need Love.  Men and women are made different, looking at the world through different eyes, but if we can learn how to meet each other's needs, our marriages will work better.

A few things popped out at me in my reading:

• Goodwill.  Our marriages need to be based on goodwill.  We need to have the intention, the purpose in our marriage to do good to our spouse.  If a disagreement happens, don't immediately think that they intended that purposefully or maliciously - give them the goodwill benefit of the doubt.  
• Money problems can dig deep and reveal our faults - how mature or immature we are.  We need to deal with the problems together, putting aside frustrations and anger; instead communicate and work through the issue together.  Show love and respect in how we handle money.
• The title of chapter 24 is "It's Hard to be Negative While Being Thankful."  He goes on to describe a tough time in their lives dealing with a son's broken leg and dream and how his wife learned to be thankful even during that hard time.  Developing a habit of thanksgiving drives the negative out - you see others in a more positive light.

All in all, I think this has potential to be a really good devotional.  It's definitely made me want to read the book these concepts come from (Love and Respect by the same author). I look forward to exploring this devotional with my wife.

Midnight Financial Musings

I can't sleep.  And what does JC do when he can't sleep?  He heads over to The Christian Dollar to read through the archives.  Lo and behold he stumbles upon this article about spending the previous month's income for the next month. This starts him thinking about budgeting and how it's working.

A little over a month and a half ago, I posted about our first budget, and how we were taking each dollar and giving it a name and purpose.  We started out budgeting from what we had from August's income.  Then, the next month, we budgeted from September's income.  Now, looking at the budget for November, we are going to be using October's income.  Make's sense, right?

I think one of the reasons that this system is working for us, is that I like to see things in concrete terms.  I like knowing that I have so many apples, so many bananas, and so many dollars.  That allows me to parcel out my budget, knowing that I have exactly this amount of money for this amount of expenses.  What's funny about this is that not too long ago I was very undisciplined with my money.  I had a vague idea of where it was going and what it needed to do, but I would impulse buy and that occasionally had me skating along a cliff.

Now that Brianna and I are married, the accountability and the goals we have set makes it a lot easier to keep to a budget.  Plus I also have a renewed sense of stewardship.  The money we have is not our own and I want to treat this gift with the diligence it deserves.

And part of that is spending last month's income in this month's budget.

How do you set up your budget?  How do you look at your money?  Is it concrete or vague?

Inspiration

A friend of mine shared this news story on Facebook.

From the article: "A devoted Iowa couple married for 72 years died holding hands in the hospital last week, exactly one hour apart.
The passing reflected the nature of their marriage, where, "As a rule, everything was done together," said the couple's daughter Donna Sheets, 71."

Married 72 years and they die together

I have been thinking a lot about longevity in my marriage lately.  That's why we talked about our foundation and what we're trying to do in order to build a strong and lasting marriage.  Then I read about this couple and how they lasted and how they did everything together.  It inspires me. 

So what causes a marriage to last?  From reading this article, a lot of it is being together and truly going through life as one, as a unit.  It means making decisions together, talking about everything, and being honest. 

I want to look back at 90 years of age and see my life with Brianna stretch out behind me.  I want to look and see my bride beside me and know that I absolutely love her and spent a good life together with her.

What about you?  Do you know anyone who has had a long and happy marriage?  What have you learned from them?  Care to tell us about it?

It's a steep learning curve....

A few things that I’ve learned in marriage so far: (hmm, for being married only 2 months, it’s kinda long... obviously this is a very steep learning curve) : )

- Respect! I have definitely learned the immense value in respecting JC. I love Ephesians 5:33 in the Amplified Bible: However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [ that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. All of those acts have such an impact on my hubby. When I tell him “You’re so awesome!” or “I’m married to the world’s most handsome man”, or “You make me smile honey! You’re the best!”, or “I’m so proud of you, you did such an awesome job!” his face lights up and I can tell how much it means to him. It doesn’t stop there either... I need to show respect in how I act too. I need to listen to him when he shares his thoughts and ideas and see the value and wisdom in them. I need to see him as the best guy in the world! I do these things because I love my hubby very much, and this is one way that I can express that love to him. Guys respond to respect from their wives... there’s a reason God made sure it was written in the Bible!

- Sense of Humor. I have always thought that being able to have a good sense of humor is a blessing in any situation, good or bad, but I have definitely learned the immense value of it in marriage. We’ve only been married for 2 months and I’ve already seen how important it is! I can only imagine the benefits we’ll gain in the future!!! JC and I both share a silly sense of humor and it seems like we’re constantly laughing with each other. Not only does it eliminate (or at least decrease) stress in a situation, it definitely makes both of us feel good. And it makes us feel closer together to enjoy a good laugh together.

- How to “Fight” Nice. So, it has been 2 months, and we still have not had a fight... and not for lack of opportunity! I can attribute this to the two of us reading “Before You Plan Your Wedding, Plan Your Marriage” by Greg and Erin Smalley... and actually taking their advice to heart. There are lots of things that come up, almost every day, that could become a big issue or even a fight, but we’ve both really strived to stop and check our own hearts and attitudes before moving forward. We’re trying to learn to “respond” to each other and not “react”. Pausing and taking a breath before speaking, doing our best to hear the other one out, trying to find solutions that make us both happy, and being willing to apologize when the other one feels like their “buttons” got pushed, etc. When we do this, I feel like he respects my feelings, cares about my heart, and really does want to find answers that make both of us happy. I’m sure someday we will mess up and our great intentions will be forgotten momentarily, but we’ll do our best to forgive, move on, and do better the next time.

- How to Properly Organize: I write this with a certain amount of tongue-in-cheek, seeing as I can be just as picky about how some things are done and organized, but I have never been quite as precise as he can be. In my world, things like books and DVDs get organized based on what looks pretty... i.e: all the colourful covers together, all the dark colored ones together, short books here, and tall books over there, etc. : ) In JC’s world, these things must be alphabetized. Now, while I do think that alphabetization (is that really a word?) is fine, it has no room for making things look “pretty”. The tall, short, thick, thin, colored, and color-less books are just all mingled together. Yes, I do realize that it makes more sense to do this because it makes it easy to find a book... but what about “pretty”???? :D (Every time JC asks me why I do something a certain way and I use the word “pretty” in my explanation, he just shakes his head.) : ) I have also discovered how JC organizes his clothes. They must be hung up according to type of shirt as well as color/pattern. In his world, you simply cannot put a blue dress shirt next to a grey turtleneck!!! In my world, things get hung up wherever there happens to be room. There is no rhyme or reason at all.

- Most of all I've learned how much this man means to me. It has only been 2 months, but I already feel like he is absolutely a part of me and there is no way I could ever go back to being without him. He is my greatest blessing and I am so thankful for him! God is good to me!

On the lighter side:... After being married for a little bit now, I have a pretty decent idea of who/what JC is... and now I have this movie playing in my head about what happened when God made him. (Yes, I realize that this is absolutely not biblical... but it is funny, at least to me, and I think it explains a bit of why he is the way he is.) Basically, I picture God standing at a table, with a big bowl in front of him and a bunch of huge super-sized containers that look like spice jars spread out over the whole table. He takes one jar labelled “tall” and pours some in, another labelled “handsome” and pours a generous amount in... on and on it goes... half a cup of “godly character” and several heaping couple tablespoons of “very smart”... a couple tablespoons of ”sci-fi nerd”, a ¼ cup of “hates to wash dishes” and a good dash of “great husband”... (hmm, make that several quarts there on that last one... dash doesn’t even begin to cover it) And then God picks up the jar of “Pest” and goes to shake just a little bit into the bowl, but all of a sudden, disaster strikes! The little shaker top part comes off completely and the whole jar pours in.... a good gallon of the stuff. God pauses and looks at the bowl, and a mischievous smile comes to his face. He pulls out the shaker top from under the pile of “Pest” in the bowl, puts it back on, and continues to mix it all together, not bothering to take any out...

I think that pretty much describes my hubby. I mean, he’s got lots of personality quirks and attributes, but the one I’m learning the most about is the “pest” side... the weird sense of humor and silliness, the constant need to tickle me or poke me, the strange little idiosyncrasies that cause me to sometimes just smile and shake my head. I have discovered that JC is the biggest pest when it is around 10 pm and I’m trying to sleep. I’ll turn over and get all comfy and almost drift off and then “OOGA BOOGA!” Why he likes these words, I don’t know... but he seems to enjoy using them as some sort of precursor to starting to tickle me and/or make silly noises or jokes... A part of my brain immediately feels irritated – I was almost asleep for goodness’ sake! But then the silly part takes over (within about 0.5 seconds) and before long I have the giggles and am no longer able to sleep even if I wanted to. I love it!

And if any of you reading this happen to be thinking right now “Pest? Really? I don’t see that in him...” then you obviously haven’t spent nearly enough time with this man. :D

But I love it! The pesky-ness is great! It makes for TONS of laughs and smiles.... the only downside is learning to live with sore smile muscles and aching sides from an overdose of laughter.

Thanksgiving - in October?

One of the new things this American has to get used to in the land of the Canuck is Thanksgiving in October on a Monday! *insert confused look*

Brianna and I are hosting Thanksgiving, so we have the turkey roasting, the taters started, and the feast well in hand.  The smells are wafting through our basement apartment and are making me hungry!  The weather is slightly crisp and we went for a quick walk.  It has definitely set the mood and drawn me to thinking about what I'm thankful for.

1. I have to be thankful for my walk with God first and foremost!  I've been walking closer and closer with Him through the last few months and am amazed at who He is and the way He works in my life!  We have been seeing His provision and His promises come through in our lives!
2. The second is my wife! Never would have imagined the way she makes me feel!  She's such a blessing to me and makes me feel like a man!  *grins*  Her smiles, her voice, and the looks she gives me, make me realize what a treasure I have.  
3. Having a good extended family.  I am very thankful for my wife's family and the relationship I now have with them.  Looking so forward to many, many, many years of fun and laughter.
4. The church family we're in.  They have embraced me as Brianna's husband and I have become good friends and a part of this church!  I love you all!
5. And the simple things:  a roof over my head; running vehicles; food and water; cothes.  All these things we take for granted - I find myself being extremely grateful for.

How about you?  What are the things you are thankful for?

A few things I have learned in Marriage

Our two month anniversary is quickly approaching and so I thought I'd sit down and talk a bit about things I have learned about marriage in this short time.

• The first is the "yes, dear."  This is the best answer for pretty much any request.  "Put the toilet seat cover down!"  "Yes, dear."  "Vacuum the crumbs up!"  "Yes, dear."  Yeah, you get the picture.  *grins*
• In actuality, being willing to help Brianna out has kept our relationship open.  She feels secure when she knows that I can help her out around the house.  Take last night for instance:  We were getting ready for people to come over and I looked up at the clock and saw that it was getting close.  I shut the laptop down and started putting away dishes, clearing the tables, and various other tidying things.  She later thanked me for my help.  Made me feel like a million bucks to be able to serve my wife that way.
• Listening.  Yes, the thing that guys have difficulty with.  I have to be willing to set my book aside or my laptop, or whatever I'm working on, to listen to my wife's concerns and even just listen to what she has done in the day.  I have been intentional to greet her with a kiss and listen to the overview of the day.  This has set the tone for the rest of the evening and is a good way to acknowledge her place in my life.
• Talking.  Yep, I do talk to my wife.  I tell her about my day, about my dreams, about what God is doing in me and just about life in general.  
• Praying.  One of my favorite things is when we've settled down in bed and are just about ready to sleep.  We make a point to lie the events of the day before God.  We pray for people, we pray for needs, and we pray for our needs and marriage.  It is the best thing we have done and we intend on doing it for the rest of our lives!

Life has changed and I have had to learn to purposefully change the way I look at things.  I have to think about Brianna, before I think about myself.  This has been the best challenge I have ever had and it is a wonderful growing experience!  Yes, the marriage has barely started, but I know that I am married to the best woman that I will ever know!  The years ahead are going to be a challenge, but I know that as long as we base our marriage in God and spend the time necessary to feed and water it, that we will grow roots and branches that are strong and mighty!

How about you?  What have you learned in your marriage?  What has challenged you?

Routine has struck!

My mind has been a bit blank as to what to write about, so I decided to describe a basic day in the life of the Reagan's.

Life has sort of settled into a routine:

• We try to pray before we get out of bed
• Brianna gets up and starts getting ready for work
• Since I'm blind in the morning and have a limited amount of contact time, I doze for awhile.
• Brianna leaves
• I get up, put contacts in, have breakfast, and gather my stuff together
• Head out for prayer at church (BTW, having prayer everyday for an hour at church is fantastic!)
• Spend the next few hours helping out at the church, talking with Kyle and Pastor, hanging out with people, etc.
• Head home and try to tidy up a little (doesn't happen every day, but I do try)
• Brianna gets home, we debrief a bit about the day
• Have dinner (Brianna's been making it usually, but I contribute once in awhile)
• Then we enjoy the evening
• We really try to get to bed at 9 so that our conversation and prayer isn't too late.
• Sleep
• Rinse and Repeat

Since we're becoming more involved at church our weekends consist of relaxing and chores Saturday morning and afternoon, church in the evening, then church again in the morning.  Every other Sunday eve, we're involved in the college/career group watching The Truth Project.  

Yeah, it's nice to have a routine and get to build our relationship together.

What kind of routines do you have in your marriage?  What would you change or not change?

Foundation

How do you build a house?  Do you start with a roof, a pile of shingles?  Or do you throw a bunch of wood and nails into the air and expect a three bedroom house to magically appear?

No.  A house is built on a foundation.  The frame goes up, the sides are put on, wiring and plumbing, drywall, all go on in the right order.

It's the same with a marriage.  Foundation matters.  What makes a good foundation for a marriage?


A relationship with God is the most stable foundation there is.  A relationship where you are spending time with Him, reading His word and each spouse is individually developing their personal time with Him.  Then you bring Him into communion with both of you.


What does this look like?  Well, in our marriage, we have been purposeful in setting time for prayer and time reading the Word.  Each morning we cover the day in prayer, giving the cares and the worries of the day to Him.  We each pray for the other, pray for protection and love to be with the other one.  We are also trying to be consistent in reading a chapter from the Bible during breakfast and discussing that.  Then, after the day has ended and we are in bed, talking about the day, we try to have an extended prayer time.  That's where we pray for the issues of the day, the family and friends that come to mind, and we praise God!


I realize that we are just married and that we haven't had the struggles yet that can plague marriage.  I realize that, but Brianna and I have set our faces to the future and we have decided that with God as our foundation, we can deal with anything.  It's important to deal with our individual selves, our own issues, but then to realize that we are one and that we need to discuss what's going on with each of us.


That leads to communication and that will be a later post.



So my challenge today to you is to look at your foundation and if there's cracks, start to deal with them.  Give your marriage to God.  Give your life to God.  Give your spouse to God.  Keep Him as the center.

"Before You Plan Your Wedding, Plan Your Marriage" Review

Greg and Erin Smalley are relationship speakers who have written this book with the engaged couple in mind. The writing style is very conversational, telling stories about how their engagement and marriage worked, giving good examples of how not to solve problems as well as how to solve those problems.

We took a long time working through this book, just because we wanted to read it aloud to one another. In the middle of wedding planning was both a good time and a bad time to try to read this book. A good time because we were dealing with some of the examples they gave. A bad time because we were simply too busy, especially the last week, to finish it. That said, we did get most of the book done before the wedding and just now finished it up.

A few of the points that I pulled from the book:

• Make a safe place. Don't be harsh to one another and cause walls to go up. If you are in a safe place relationally, that allows you to hold your heart out and trust the other person.
• Know yourself and deal with your own problems. Don't expect your spouse to solve your issues. You have a responsibility to yourself and to your spouse to be healthy, both emotionally and spiritually.
• We all have buttons that get pushed. Get to know what your buttons are and why they hurt. Deal with it and don't get caught in a fear dance. Fear dancing is basically entering into a conflict and letting your buttons get pushed and then you push the other person's and the dance goes on.
  
• Find ways to be a team and make decisions in a win-win way. What does a win look like for you in this situation? Sorta a compromise but not in a one person losing type of a way.

A lot of this book promoted good discussion between Brianna and I. I have good memories of reading a section in the car and then discussing the topic for many a mile. I definitely recommend this as a conversation starter. And it's a good communication building tool to read it out loud to each other. I would recommend this for both engaged couples and those who are already married! There are concepts in here that would benefit all couples.

Five Stars!