How to love your wife

We all know the story:  Husband comes in after work, turns on the tv and starts to veg.  Wife comes in and starts to talk.  Husband grunts, wife wants to know what is going on in his life, husband grunts and turns up the tv.  Wife gets mad and starts yelling and eventually leaves.  (I think I just described every sitcom out there).

Men, this is not a good thing.  If your wife does not feel loved, listened to, and a part of you, she will be lonely and feel like you don't care.  This leads to dysfunction and an unhappy marriage.  Take the initiative and be involved in your wife's life. 

Here are a few practical ways to love your wife:

• Spend time with her.  Set aside the computer, the football game, the puttering in the yard, the video games and take the time to engage with her.  One of the things my wife appreciates is when I show her love by being available for her when she gets home.  I try to do chores or something not computer related when I know she's coming home soon.  
  
• Do little things for her.  Putting away dishes, doing a load of laundry, or any various chores speaks a lot to your wife.  Even the act of opening a door will show her that you love her and care for her.
  
• Be romantic.  Don't turn off that part of you just because you're married.  Bringing home a bouquet of flowers for no particular reason makes your wife feel special.  Say "I love you" and "you're beautiful" and mean it.  Again, make your wife feel special.  Don't do it in a selfish manner, but put her before yourself.
  
  
• Remember, she's made of spaghetti, following topics one right after another.  I know that can be difficult and by remembering that, you can switch boxes better.  Let her know that she's moving too fast or that you need to switch boxes before she starts talking.
  
• I know that as men we have been taught to be closed in our emotions and not let anyone in.  Guys, that's one of the surest ways to drive your wife away!  Learn how to let your walls down and let your wife see your feelings and your deepest desires.  She will respond in a myriad of ways to that intimacy and your marriage will be stronger for that.
  
• Be the leader and the protector of your marriage. 
  
• Be willing to admit your faults and be willing to work on your marriage.  Everyone can learn to love more, and you're no exception. 
  
• Take time to grow in God.  Allow the Holy Spirit to guide your life and pull you closer to Him.  Be disciplined in your reading of the Word, even if you don't like reading.  It is the best way to learn how to live your life in love and respect.
  
• Pray together.  Make a habit of going to bed and praying over each other before you go to sleep.
  
• Read marriage books and learn more ways to love your wife.  Ask the elders you know who have good, strong, and Godly marriages about what they have done.  

I know there are a lot more ways and methods to build a strong marriage.  Be open and loving to your wife and you will see yourself change and then you'll see change in her. 

Have you tried any of these ideas?  How did they work?  What other things do you do to love your wife?

What Place Does The Computer Hold?

I like computers.  I have a Facebook account, a Twitter feed, and a blog.  I like watching YouTube videos and occasionally chatting.  Yes, I even check my email every hour or less.  I play games and even get close to winning them.

Yet I have started to realize something about my time on the computer.  My computer doesn't talk to me.  It doesn't listen to my dreams.  It doesn't respond to a hug.  It doesn't confide its secrets and desires in me.

The worst thing this computer does is become a time waster.  I was recently reminded of this when we got home the other night.  I immediately turned the computer on and checked my Facebook, my email, and started a game.  Meanwhile, my wife was wanting my help with some chores, and time with me.

It also can suck my time away from pursuing God.  This makes it an idol.  Seeking God has to be our first priority in life, not seeking the high score in the latest Facebook game.

Now I'm not saying get rid of the computer or never spend time on it.  Obviously I'm using it right now.  There are many good things about the computer and many good ways to use it as a tool.  Just don't let it become your god. Find that balance in your life.

For example:  I made a commitment to my wife that I wouldn't use the computer during the evening unless we agreed on it.  It's a way that I get to say to my wife that I value her and that she's more important than any electric box. 

Where does the computer fall in your priorities?  What actions do you need to take to make a change in your life?

Looking back on 2011's good things

My friend Lisa posted on her blog about seeing miracles in 2011.  That made me think about 2011 and the various things that have happened this last year.

• The biggest is my marriage to Brianna.  We're at our 5 months of marriage mark and I'm so very happy to have this lady as my wife.  She is a support and an encourager for me.
• I'm also involved in the church, teaching Sunday school for the 1st through 5th grade.  Loving these kids and the opportunity to speak into their lives.
• We are incredibly blessed!  Our apartment is completely outfitted, and we recently realized that we really don't need anything (beyond the groceries, of course).  We are content with what we have.  Kind of a strange place to be at the beginning of our marriage, but a good place.
• We have started paying off debt.  We just got the first $1000 emergency fund saved up and starting to make extra payments to the credit cards.  It is definitely a blessing to see God's hand in providing for us!
• My family grew by marriage and I became an instant uncle!  Gabe is such a blessing and I love that little boy so much!  Looking forward to watching him grow and learn.

And now we have a new year to look forward to.  God is working in our lives and it's going to be so much fun to see how it all works out!

How about your look at 2011?  What good things happened last year?

Be aware of what your wife does

I have a friend who shared this article on Twitter.  Basically the author talks about not undoing what your wife has done throughout the day.

He uses the example of leaving clothes on the table after his wife has cleaned it over and over during the day.  Made me think about my marriage and what I do that could undo what Brianna has done.  The stuff on the table is definitely one thing.  Books and papers on the sofas is another.  Leaving my lunch stuff on the counter after making lunch.  Yeah, I do it.

I think the gist of the article is to remember to be proactive with your relationship with your wife.  It takes thought to make your wife feel special.  And she definitely deserves to be have her husband make her special!

Husbands:  What stuff do you do that can undo your wife's actions during the day?  Wives:  What can you gently talk to your husband about in this regard?

How To Make Your Wife Happy

Okay, so men usually agree that women are mysteries, and are very difficult to figure out.  There are so many differences that it doesn't seem like we really can connect and make our wives happy.  If you're like me, you hate to see your wife upset.  Plus, the old addage, Happy Wife, Happy Life, holds true, right?

First off, know that you aren't responsible for your wife's happiness, and the reverse holds true as well.  If you're struggling with feeling grumpy and depressed, look at yourself first and figure out why that's happening and why that is affecting you and your family.  One thing I've learned, it's not my wife's responsibility to keep me spiritually or even emotionally fed.  I have to know myself and my identity in Christ before I can be the husband I need to be.

We, as husbands, also need to realize that our wives are made so different than us.  Even if their primary love language isn't words of affirmation (yes, I did read The Five Love Languages), they still need your attention and the time you talk and listen to them.  Their minds and their hearts are relational based and if you take the time to listen and be part of their struggles and triumphs, you will find their love grows.

Some of the things I've found with Brianna that tend to bring us closer together:

• Our late night conversations.  We can spend hours snuggled in bed talking about everything under the sun.  From our dreams of the future, to current struggles, to even theological discussions, we cover a lot of topics.  I take the time to listen to her viewpoint, repeat it back to her if I don't get it, and to accept her view on things.
• Time.  Setting aside the time to spend with Brianna has been very important.  Take this weekend for instance.  We have church Saturday night and Sunday morning, and every other Sunday evening a college/career type group, so our weekends are very busy.  This Sunday afternoon and evening, we had nothing happening.  All of a sudden my sister-in-law calls and wants to play Settlers of Catan with us.  Normally we would jump on that; we love that game!  However, with how busy the weekend was, we needed the time to just be with each other.  Thus, we said no.  Now, we still want to play that game and will make the time to do so, we just needed that specific time together with each other.
• The little things.  My mother will attest that I don't like doing dishes.  Definitely not my favorite job in the world.  Yet, there are times that I do them.  Not because I love dishes, but because I love my wife and want to serve her.  Same with any chore around the house.  You may not do them regularly, but to be deliberate about serving your wife makes her feel like a queen!  Also, my wife loves head massages and I know I'm making her happy with that.  
• And I almost forgot:  Prayer.  We pray together every night and it connects us with each other and with God.  Something about being thankful, putting our faith together, and lifting our lives up to God is a huge encourager to our marriage.

I think my biggest piece of advice is to remember Ephesians 5:25-33.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.^{[a] 28}In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰because we are members of his body. ³¹ "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." ³²This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

 I think this passage bears a lot of thinking about and learning to apply it to your life.  It's huge to think that you take care of yourself, so you need to take care of your wife in the same way.  And also, we are little Christs, made in His image, and we can act like it.   

Your wife deserves a loving and caring husband.  She is a priceless jewel that needs your love and protection.  You are able to love her well!!

Wives: what do your husbands do that make you happy and loved?  Husbands:  what can you do to speak and care for your wife?