When Chaos Comes Knocking

First off I must apologize for not writing more on this blog.  Life got in the way there for awhile.  We are back and will be posting more often.

Second, to discuss what happened I need a time machine...  What?  No time machines handy?  I guess you'll have to put up with me telling the story of a spewing toilet and the turmoil it caused.

Third - Just so that I have a nice three point introduction, here is the story:

The Story

It starts innocently enough.  An article I had written had just been published on The Christian Dollar When Plans Don't Work Out.  I had talked about when chaos strikes and your plans are changed or thrown out the window, turn to God and remember His Plan for you never gets thwarted. 

It's interesting how things happen to test what God has been talking to us about.

That day I walked to church for prayer and walked back, nice weather, and a good time.  I open my door and descend into our basement.  What do I discover but a pool of water about a 1/4 in deep at my entryway.  Oh boy....  Turns out that the toilet line out to the main sewer had been blocked and every time my neighbor's laundry drained, I got a flood.

After calling the landlady and getting the neighbor to stop washing clothes, I attempted to clean up.  Yeah, not having a wet vac really slowed the process down.  Then the clean up guys came and told me that the bacteria in the sewer water was dangerous and that they needed to remove the floors and sanitize.  Oh.  So you mean I need to move all my stuff out and allow you access.

Thus started a marathon packing!  We slept at my in-laws (Shout out to Richard and Julie!  You guys are a blessing!), packed up our stuff, and then moved it all into a friend's garage (Shout out to Dennis and Laura!  Thank you so very much!) with the help of some guys from church (Thanks to Darryl, Kyle, Glenn, Troy, and Devon!  You guys rock!).  From that Tuesday to the afternoon of that Sunday, we packed, moved, and cleaned.  My wife and her mother did a great job cleaning everything except the floors!

Let's take a moment and talk about how I had to deal with my ways of thinking.  I'll be honest, we both had moments where we wanted to worry and be annoyed that we were having to move.  It was tempting to think we'd be stuck staying with Brianna's parents for a long period of time, that our stuff would like hanging out in a garage, that we wouldn't find a new place, and if we did, we wouldn't be able to afford it.

However, both of us knew that God does care about us and does have plans for us.  We had to rest in God's hands, let Him be the center of our lives, and have faith that a new place would be found.  After all, we had been thinking about moving before all this happened and had started asking God for a new place for the same amount of money.  We knew that it'd take a miracle to get a place like what we wanted.  And our expectations were met...

In our searching, we had a couple leads that fell through. Then we heard about this Coop housing and that there was a two bedroom available.

Get this, that Tuesday night, a week from when I discovered the flood, we visited with the couple who makes the membership agreements.  We looked at the place and it matched everything we were asking for.  Even the ability to paint and to have a garden.  We signed the papers and got the keys.  By Saturday we were all moved in.

We've been painting and getting settled this last week.  It's almost to the point where we can feel at home.

Best thing:  Same amount of money for almost twice the space. 

Chaos came knocking.  We had to remember that God brings order.  We rested in Him.  Now we are blessed with a great place and a reminder to be focused on Him!

Meet us in the comments and tell us about what God's been doing in your lives. 

How To Make Your Wife Happy

Okay, so men usually agree that women are mysteries, and are very difficult to figure out.  There are so many differences that it doesn't seem like we really can connect and make our wives happy.  If you're like me, you hate to see your wife upset.  Plus, the old addage, Happy Wife, Happy Life, holds true, right?

First off, know that you aren't responsible for your wife's happiness, and the reverse holds true as well.  If you're struggling with feeling grumpy and depressed, look at yourself first and figure out why that's happening and why that is affecting you and your family.  One thing I've learned, it's not my wife's responsibility to keep me spiritually or even emotionally fed.  I have to know myself and my identity in Christ before I can be the husband I need to be.

We, as husbands, also need to realize that our wives are made so different than us.  Even if their primary love language isn't words of affirmation (yes, I did read The Five Love Languages), they still need your attention and the time you talk and listen to them.  Their minds and their hearts are relational based and if you take the time to listen and be part of their struggles and triumphs, you will find their love grows.

Some of the things I've found with Brianna that tend to bring us closer together:

• Our late night conversations.  We can spend hours snuggled in bed talking about everything under the sun.  From our dreams of the future, to current struggles, to even theological discussions, we cover a lot of topics.  I take the time to listen to her viewpoint, repeat it back to her if I don't get it, and to accept her view on things.
• Time.  Setting aside the time to spend with Brianna has been very important.  Take this weekend for instance.  We have church Saturday night and Sunday morning, and every other Sunday evening a college/career type group, so our weekends are very busy.  This Sunday afternoon and evening, we had nothing happening.  All of a sudden my sister-in-law calls and wants to play Settlers of Catan with us.  Normally we would jump on that; we love that game!  However, with how busy the weekend was, we needed the time to just be with each other.  Thus, we said no.  Now, we still want to play that game and will make the time to do so, we just needed that specific time together with each other.
• The little things.  My mother will attest that I don't like doing dishes.  Definitely not my favorite job in the world.  Yet, there are times that I do them.  Not because I love dishes, but because I love my wife and want to serve her.  Same with any chore around the house.  You may not do them regularly, but to be deliberate about serving your wife makes her feel like a queen!  Also, my wife loves head massages and I know I'm making her happy with that.  
• And I almost forgot:  Prayer.  We pray together every night and it connects us with each other and with God.  Something about being thankful, putting our faith together, and lifting our lives up to God is a huge encourager to our marriage.

I think my biggest piece of advice is to remember Ephesians 5:25-33.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.^{[a] 28}In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰because we are members of his body. ³¹ "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." ³²This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

 I think this passage bears a lot of thinking about and learning to apply it to your life.  It's huge to think that you take care of yourself, so you need to take care of your wife in the same way.  And also, we are little Christs, made in His image, and we can act like it.   

Your wife deserves a loving and caring husband.  She is a priceless jewel that needs your love and protection.  You are able to love her well!!

Wives: what do your husbands do that make you happy and loved?  Husbands:  what can you do to speak and care for your wife? 

A few things I have learned in Marriage

Our two month anniversary is quickly approaching and so I thought I'd sit down and talk a bit about things I have learned about marriage in this short time.

• The first is the "yes, dear."  This is the best answer for pretty much any request.  "Put the toilet seat cover down!"  "Yes, dear."  "Vacuum the crumbs up!"  "Yes, dear."  Yeah, you get the picture.  *grins*
• In actuality, being willing to help Brianna out has kept our relationship open.  She feels secure when she knows that I can help her out around the house.  Take last night for instance:  We were getting ready for people to come over and I looked up at the clock and saw that it was getting close.  I shut the laptop down and started putting away dishes, clearing the tables, and various other tidying things.  She later thanked me for my help.  Made me feel like a million bucks to be able to serve my wife that way.
• Listening.  Yes, the thing that guys have difficulty with.  I have to be willing to set my book aside or my laptop, or whatever I'm working on, to listen to my wife's concerns and even just listen to what she has done in the day.  I have been intentional to greet her with a kiss and listen to the overview of the day.  This has set the tone for the rest of the evening and is a good way to acknowledge her place in my life.
• Talking.  Yep, I do talk to my wife.  I tell her about my day, about my dreams, about what God is doing in me and just about life in general.  
• Praying.  One of my favorite things is when we've settled down in bed and are just about ready to sleep.  We make a point to lie the events of the day before God.  We pray for people, we pray for needs, and we pray for our needs and marriage.  It is the best thing we have done and we intend on doing it for the rest of our lives!

Life has changed and I have had to learn to purposefully change the way I look at things.  I have to think about Brianna, before I think about myself.  This has been the best challenge I have ever had and it is a wonderful growing experience!  Yes, the marriage has barely started, but I know that I am married to the best woman that I will ever know!  The years ahead are going to be a challenge, but I know that as long as we base our marriage in God and spend the time necessary to feed and water it, that we will grow roots and branches that are strong and mighty!

How about you?  What have you learned in your marriage?  What has challenged you?

Routine has struck!

My mind has been a bit blank as to what to write about, so I decided to describe a basic day in the life of the Reagan's.

Life has sort of settled into a routine:

• We try to pray before we get out of bed
• Brianna gets up and starts getting ready for work
• Since I'm blind in the morning and have a limited amount of contact time, I doze for awhile.
• Brianna leaves
• I get up, put contacts in, have breakfast, and gather my stuff together
• Head out for prayer at church (BTW, having prayer everyday for an hour at church is fantastic!)
• Spend the next few hours helping out at the church, talking with Kyle and Pastor, hanging out with people, etc.
• Head home and try to tidy up a little (doesn't happen every day, but I do try)
• Brianna gets home, we debrief a bit about the day
• Have dinner (Brianna's been making it usually, but I contribute once in awhile)
• Then we enjoy the evening
• We really try to get to bed at 9 so that our conversation and prayer isn't too late.
• Sleep
• Rinse and Repeat

Since we're becoming more involved at church our weekends consist of relaxing and chores Saturday morning and afternoon, church in the evening, then church again in the morning.  Every other Sunday eve, we're involved in the college/career group watching The Truth Project.  

Yeah, it's nice to have a routine and get to build our relationship together.

What kind of routines do you have in your marriage?  What would you change or not change?

Foundation

How do you build a house?  Do you start with a roof, a pile of shingles?  Or do you throw a bunch of wood and nails into the air and expect a three bedroom house to magically appear?

No.  A house is built on a foundation.  The frame goes up, the sides are put on, wiring and plumbing, drywall, all go on in the right order.

It's the same with a marriage.  Foundation matters.  What makes a good foundation for a marriage?


A relationship with God is the most stable foundation there is.  A relationship where you are spending time with Him, reading His word and each spouse is individually developing their personal time with Him.  Then you bring Him into communion with both of you.


What does this look like?  Well, in our marriage, we have been purposeful in setting time for prayer and time reading the Word.  Each morning we cover the day in prayer, giving the cares and the worries of the day to Him.  We each pray for the other, pray for protection and love to be with the other one.  We are also trying to be consistent in reading a chapter from the Bible during breakfast and discussing that.  Then, after the day has ended and we are in bed, talking about the day, we try to have an extended prayer time.  That's where we pray for the issues of the day, the family and friends that come to mind, and we praise God!


I realize that we are just married and that we haven't had the struggles yet that can plague marriage.  I realize that, but Brianna and I have set our faces to the future and we have decided that with God as our foundation, we can deal with anything.  It's important to deal with our individual selves, our own issues, but then to realize that we are one and that we need to discuss what's going on with each of us.


That leads to communication and that will be a later post.



So my challenge today to you is to look at your foundation and if there's cracks, start to deal with them.  Give your marriage to God.  Give your life to God.  Give your spouse to God.  Keep Him as the center.