Budgeting - The Gritty Details of 2012

I was having a discussion on Facebook about budgets and it made me think I should update our neglected blog.  This blog post is about how we are doing with our budgeting and our paying off debt.

Back in September of 2011 I wrote about the first budget we put together.  It was tough those first few months.  We had to be tight and focused in order to make it work.  We were learning about what each other valued and what we truly needed to buy for our household to work.

So what have we learned in the last 15 months?  What things are we doing that make a budget work?

• One of the first things we decided was to live off of the previous month's income.  This does two things:  One, it allows me to have a tangible number to work with, and two, it gives us another buffer in case we forgot to add something to the month's budget.  It took a lot of scrimping and focus to save that extra two to three thousand dollars in order to start, but it's definitely worth it.

• We are both involved in the budget.  I'm the nerd between us and I tend to spend a lot of time tweaking the budget, colour coding the main categories, and figuring out how we can afford certain things.  Brianna is the free spirit and she comes and looks through the budget when I have it pretty much finished.  Usually she approves right off the bat (mainly because we talk about stuff every so often throughout the month as it comes up), but there's a few times she asks for more money in a category or we decide there's too much.

•  We used the tax return to set aside for baby expenses.  We didn't know if we were going to get pregnant in 2012 or not, but we decided that setting aside a thousand made sense.  And I'm proud to report that the majority of the big baby items (nursery furniture, stroller, car seat, swing, and a few other things) were bought for that amount.  

• We are able to cash flow (save up and pay for) medical expenses, car maintenance and various other things that needed to be done.  For example, I had to get new contacts this summer and I had to save up for them. For two months I put what was necessary into the Vision category. 

•  Most of our expenses are able to be planned for.  I am actually setting aside a small amount this year for Christmas Presents.  I know that we have to get oil changes, so there's money being set aside for that.

• I also have an Undesignated category to catch the unexpected expenses.  This, along with spending money for both of us, really helps.

•  Okay, so the news you've been waiting for:  We have paid off an incredible amount of debt this year!  Lots of different reasons, but we were blessed with extra, and everything beyond our living expenses is going into our debt snowball.  If everything goes as planned, we will be out of debt by the end of December 2013.

• Oh, and another key to keeping on track:  Remembering that this money is not ours, that we are just stewards of it, and that God trusts us with it.  It actually helps us to realize that we need to stick to a plan and keep our palms open.  We tithe regularly and also sow into the kingdom with offerings above the 10%.  We are strongly convicted that we need to continue giving while working on getting rid of the debt.

•  Lastly, we've slacked some on sticking completely to our budget.  It's easy to float things, while keeping track of what we spent into the next budget, but that is a bad habit to have.  Eventually that will catch up to us.  To solve this we have decided to use some of the extra money to pad our categories so that we don't spend over.  

So that's some of the details of our last year of budgeting.  Hope you gained some insight and that what we've gone through can help you.

What have you accomplished this year?  How do you budget?  How do you live, yet pay off debt?  We'd love to hear from you in the comments!

Content and thankful

I'm sitting in my living room, feeling very content.  There's sun shining through the window, the temperature is actually warm, and my wife is reading a book in the chaise.  Life is good right now.

Our weather is slowly getting better.  We had snow a little bit last week, but this week is supposed to be warm enough for rain.  That will be a nice change.  We're starting to get stuff together for a garden.  Started zucchini, lettuce, chives, basil, oregano, thyme, morning glory, and sweet peas.  We'll be planting carrots a bit later outside.  Going to be nice to have some veggies growing.

I spent the morning at church.  We have a daily corporate prayer time and it has greatly helped my growth with God and is a great part of the day.  After that Pastor and I went for coffee and had some good conversation.  I love our church and the relationships that I'm building.

After lunch I went over to my father-in-laws and did some sawing.  I'm in the middle of a project that I'll reveal later.  It was a lot of fun to be able to use the table saw and work with wood.

Life is pretty good right now. 

Thank You, Lord for this day, for the favor you give us, and the blessings showered upon us.  Thank You for our house and the ability to make it our home.  Thank You.  Amen.

How about you?  What's God doing in your life that You're thankful for?  Meet us in the comments!

When Distractions Get Louder Than God

If you're like me, you've heard a lot about "being still" and listening to God.  And if you're like me, you puzzle over how to do that.  I often sit in service, during a quiet time, or during worship, trying to center my thoughts on God.  Does that happen?  Not as often as I like.  I'll think about the need to talk to someone after church, or what we're having for dinner, or a project that I need to work on.  I catch myself over and over again with wandering thoughts.

Is it possible to think on God and seek Him first?

Yes.  It takes discipline and training to do that. 

³ For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. ⁴ For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. ⁵ We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, ⁶ being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.
2nd Corinthians 10:3-6 ESV

Our minds are under constant attack from several sides.   Our culture is full of distractions that take our eyes off of God and onto material and perishable things.  Think about it, how much time do we spend on the computer?  How much time is spent checking statuses, watching youtube videos about the Star Wars Kid, playing games, or even just watching TV?  I've heard that the average American spends 35 hours a week watching TV.  Can I just say "Wow!"

Beyond the obvious "we need to spend more time with God" I want to emphasize the discipline of training your mind.   Our minds naturally go to the easiest things to think about.  A habit is formed and our brain likes going that direction because it's easy.  It's easy to think about that game level you're working on, or the problem at work, or your daughter's latest drama.  It's not so easy to put our minds on God, on His Glory, on His Majesty, on the Awesome God we love and serve.  It's a battle and we need to spend more time in that battle.  Don't be mediocre.

How do we change our habits?  How do we discipline ourselves to put the priority where it needs to be?

We make choices.  We choose the good things and discard the mediocre and lukewarm habits.  Yeah, it's not something that is easy.  Changing habits is hard, but the end result is a stronger and more vibrant walk with God. 

I'm not saying all entertainment is bad, but when anything, whether movies, spouses, money, or books become bigger than God, then we have to seriously examine our lives.  Entertainment can be a good thing to have, but in moderation.

Our Action Steps

Brianna and I have recently been convicted that we spend too much time focused on trivial things.  We decided that to start our minds on better tracks, that we needed to trim some of the time wasters we fill our lives with. I recently wrote about What Place Does Our Computer Hold and that started us thinking about where our priorities should be.  Thus for the month of February we're avoiding watching movies or TV shows, taking a break from Facebook and spending more time with God and with each other. 

It's only been three days, but we're already feeling more connected with God and our minds seem to be working better. 

Yes, we're still using the computer, but it's limited to being a tool. 

The voices are loud and they can drown out God's voice.  Remove the voices and you can hear Him more.

Meet us in the comments and tell us how you deal with the distractions in this world.  How often do you check in with God?

Why The Name?

When we first started this blog, we chose the odd title of "God, My Weird Spouse, and I."  That's a very strange title I know, but there's a reason behind it. 

This world, this culture has defined "normal" as people living together, having multiple partners, having affairs during marriage and having a divorce or two or three.  Normal is spending too much time working and not enough time with your wife and family.  Normal is kids with no fathers.  Normal is....  (you fill in the blank). 

We don't want to be normal.  We want to stand out against the gray and mediocrity of the world.  We want to stand for Christ, for a Biblical worldview, for a life lived in joy and abundance because of our relationship with God.  We want to stand for sex within marriage, for a strong sense of value in our spouse's eyes.  We want to stand for a marriage where we want to be together, to do life together, where conflict is managed and used to strengthen our union.  We want to stand for an open home and for open hearts to those struggling in our community.  In other words:  We want to be WEIRD!!!

It is definitely a journey and we have a long, long, long life ahead of us.  We invite you to walk alongside us and see how our weirdness pays off in the future.

How To Make Your Wife Happy

Okay, so men usually agree that women are mysteries, and are very difficult to figure out.  There are so many differences that it doesn't seem like we really can connect and make our wives happy.  If you're like me, you hate to see your wife upset.  Plus, the old addage, Happy Wife, Happy Life, holds true, right?

First off, know that you aren't responsible for your wife's happiness, and the reverse holds true as well.  If you're struggling with feeling grumpy and depressed, look at yourself first and figure out why that's happening and why that is affecting you and your family.  One thing I've learned, it's not my wife's responsibility to keep me spiritually or even emotionally fed.  I have to know myself and my identity in Christ before I can be the husband I need to be.

We, as husbands, also need to realize that our wives are made so different than us.  Even if their primary love language isn't words of affirmation (yes, I did read The Five Love Languages), they still need your attention and the time you talk and listen to them.  Their minds and their hearts are relational based and if you take the time to listen and be part of their struggles and triumphs, you will find their love grows.

Some of the things I've found with Brianna that tend to bring us closer together:

• Our late night conversations.  We can spend hours snuggled in bed talking about everything under the sun.  From our dreams of the future, to current struggles, to even theological discussions, we cover a lot of topics.  I take the time to listen to her viewpoint, repeat it back to her if I don't get it, and to accept her view on things.
• Time.  Setting aside the time to spend with Brianna has been very important.  Take this weekend for instance.  We have church Saturday night and Sunday morning, and every other Sunday evening a college/career type group, so our weekends are very busy.  This Sunday afternoon and evening, we had nothing happening.  All of a sudden my sister-in-law calls and wants to play Settlers of Catan with us.  Normally we would jump on that; we love that game!  However, with how busy the weekend was, we needed the time to just be with each other.  Thus, we said no.  Now, we still want to play that game and will make the time to do so, we just needed that specific time together with each other.
• The little things.  My mother will attest that I don't like doing dishes.  Definitely not my favorite job in the world.  Yet, there are times that I do them.  Not because I love dishes, but because I love my wife and want to serve her.  Same with any chore around the house.  You may not do them regularly, but to be deliberate about serving your wife makes her feel like a queen!  Also, my wife loves head massages and I know I'm making her happy with that.  
• And I almost forgot:  Prayer.  We pray together every night and it connects us with each other and with God.  Something about being thankful, putting our faith together, and lifting our lives up to God is a huge encourager to our marriage.

I think my biggest piece of advice is to remember Ephesians 5:25-33.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.^{[a] 28}In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰because we are members of his body. ³¹ "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." ³²This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

 I think this passage bears a lot of thinking about and learning to apply it to your life.  It's huge to think that you take care of yourself, so you need to take care of your wife in the same way.  And also, we are little Christs, made in His image, and we can act like it.   

Your wife deserves a loving and caring husband.  She is a priceless jewel that needs your love and protection.  You are able to love her well!!

Wives: what do your husbands do that make you happy and loved?  Husbands:  what can you do to speak and care for your wife? 

Being thankful

Lisa, my friend from Eugene has bee talking about thankfulness, and has been writing a post a day this month about what she's thankful for.  (Check out her blog!)  It makes me think about how life tends to run by and we take so many things for granted.

Take technology for instance:  I'm writing this blog on my laptop with my blackberry sitting next to me.  I have an ipod plugged into a player (currently listening to Tim Hughes) sitting across from me.  I have the ability to be connected to so many different people over so many different ways.  It amazes me that I can talk to people in the States, in Taiwan, and all over the world through the Internet.  We are truly blessed to have technology like this.

And what about the basics?  Shelter, clothing, food.  I just ate leftover taco salad, munching on some grapes, and we have a full fridge and stuff in the freezer,  My apartment is warm, despite the cold snow outside and I can put on a jacket if I'm slightly chilled (fighting turning the heat on).  I have a table to eat on, set my computer, and play games on.  Wow, am I thankful for this!!

We come to the relationships around us.  I am totally blessed to be married to a woman of God, someone who listens to me, gets my humor, and who is sharing life with me!  Her family is a blessing and so are the people here in Rocky.  I am blessed by being in a church family that loves me and who are strong in their faith!  I am also blessed that I have so many friends over all the world. 

So yeah, I have a lot to be thankful for.  It's a big deal to look at our lives and not focus on the negatives or the pain, but to see how God has blessed us.  He gives us so much! 

What things do you take for granted?  What can you look at and start thanking God for?

It's a steep learning curve....

A few things that I’ve learned in marriage so far: (hmm, for being married only 2 months, it’s kinda long... obviously this is a very steep learning curve) : )

- Respect! I have definitely learned the immense value in respecting JC. I love Ephesians 5:33 in the Amplified Bible: However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [ that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. All of those acts have such an impact on my hubby. When I tell him “You’re so awesome!” or “I’m married to the world’s most handsome man”, or “You make me smile honey! You’re the best!”, or “I’m so proud of you, you did such an awesome job!” his face lights up and I can tell how much it means to him. It doesn’t stop there either... I need to show respect in how I act too. I need to listen to him when he shares his thoughts and ideas and see the value and wisdom in them. I need to see him as the best guy in the world! I do these things because I love my hubby very much, and this is one way that I can express that love to him. Guys respond to respect from their wives... there’s a reason God made sure it was written in the Bible!

- Sense of Humor. I have always thought that being able to have a good sense of humor is a blessing in any situation, good or bad, but I have definitely learned the immense value of it in marriage. We’ve only been married for 2 months and I’ve already seen how important it is! I can only imagine the benefits we’ll gain in the future!!! JC and I both share a silly sense of humor and it seems like we’re constantly laughing with each other. Not only does it eliminate (or at least decrease) stress in a situation, it definitely makes both of us feel good. And it makes us feel closer together to enjoy a good laugh together.

- How to “Fight” Nice. So, it has been 2 months, and we still have not had a fight... and not for lack of opportunity! I can attribute this to the two of us reading “Before You Plan Your Wedding, Plan Your Marriage” by Greg and Erin Smalley... and actually taking their advice to heart. There are lots of things that come up, almost every day, that could become a big issue or even a fight, but we’ve both really strived to stop and check our own hearts and attitudes before moving forward. We’re trying to learn to “respond” to each other and not “react”. Pausing and taking a breath before speaking, doing our best to hear the other one out, trying to find solutions that make us both happy, and being willing to apologize when the other one feels like their “buttons” got pushed, etc. When we do this, I feel like he respects my feelings, cares about my heart, and really does want to find answers that make both of us happy. I’m sure someday we will mess up and our great intentions will be forgotten momentarily, but we’ll do our best to forgive, move on, and do better the next time.

- How to Properly Organize: I write this with a certain amount of tongue-in-cheek, seeing as I can be just as picky about how some things are done and organized, but I have never been quite as precise as he can be. In my world, things like books and DVDs get organized based on what looks pretty... i.e: all the colourful covers together, all the dark colored ones together, short books here, and tall books over there, etc. : ) In JC’s world, these things must be alphabetized. Now, while I do think that alphabetization (is that really a word?) is fine, it has no room for making things look “pretty”. The tall, short, thick, thin, colored, and color-less books are just all mingled together. Yes, I do realize that it makes more sense to do this because it makes it easy to find a book... but what about “pretty”???? :D (Every time JC asks me why I do something a certain way and I use the word “pretty” in my explanation, he just shakes his head.) : ) I have also discovered how JC organizes his clothes. They must be hung up according to type of shirt as well as color/pattern. In his world, you simply cannot put a blue dress shirt next to a grey turtleneck!!! In my world, things get hung up wherever there happens to be room. There is no rhyme or reason at all.

- Most of all I've learned how much this man means to me. It has only been 2 months, but I already feel like he is absolutely a part of me and there is no way I could ever go back to being without him. He is my greatest blessing and I am so thankful for him! God is good to me!

On the lighter side:... After being married for a little bit now, I have a pretty decent idea of who/what JC is... and now I have this movie playing in my head about what happened when God made him. (Yes, I realize that this is absolutely not biblical... but it is funny, at least to me, and I think it explains a bit of why he is the way he is.) Basically, I picture God standing at a table, with a big bowl in front of him and a bunch of huge super-sized containers that look like spice jars spread out over the whole table. He takes one jar labelled “tall” and pours some in, another labelled “handsome” and pours a generous amount in... on and on it goes... half a cup of “godly character” and several heaping couple tablespoons of “very smart”... a couple tablespoons of ”sci-fi nerd”, a ¼ cup of “hates to wash dishes” and a good dash of “great husband”... (hmm, make that several quarts there on that last one... dash doesn’t even begin to cover it) And then God picks up the jar of “Pest” and goes to shake just a little bit into the bowl, but all of a sudden, disaster strikes! The little shaker top part comes off completely and the whole jar pours in.... a good gallon of the stuff. God pauses and looks at the bowl, and a mischievous smile comes to his face. He pulls out the shaker top from under the pile of “Pest” in the bowl, puts it back on, and continues to mix it all together, not bothering to take any out...

I think that pretty much describes my hubby. I mean, he’s got lots of personality quirks and attributes, but the one I’m learning the most about is the “pest” side... the weird sense of humor and silliness, the constant need to tickle me or poke me, the strange little idiosyncrasies that cause me to sometimes just smile and shake my head. I have discovered that JC is the biggest pest when it is around 10 pm and I’m trying to sleep. I’ll turn over and get all comfy and almost drift off and then “OOGA BOOGA!” Why he likes these words, I don’t know... but he seems to enjoy using them as some sort of precursor to starting to tickle me and/or make silly noises or jokes... A part of my brain immediately feels irritated – I was almost asleep for goodness’ sake! But then the silly part takes over (within about 0.5 seconds) and before long I have the giggles and am no longer able to sleep even if I wanted to. I love it!

And if any of you reading this happen to be thinking right now “Pest? Really? I don’t see that in him...” then you obviously haven’t spent nearly enough time with this man. :D

But I love it! The pesky-ness is great! It makes for TONS of laughs and smiles.... the only downside is learning to live with sore smile muscles and aching sides from an overdose of laughter.

A few things I have learned in Marriage

Our two month anniversary is quickly approaching and so I thought I'd sit down and talk a bit about things I have learned about marriage in this short time.

• The first is the "yes, dear."  This is the best answer for pretty much any request.  "Put the toilet seat cover down!"  "Yes, dear."  "Vacuum the crumbs up!"  "Yes, dear."  Yeah, you get the picture.  *grins*
• In actuality, being willing to help Brianna out has kept our relationship open.  She feels secure when she knows that I can help her out around the house.  Take last night for instance:  We were getting ready for people to come over and I looked up at the clock and saw that it was getting close.  I shut the laptop down and started putting away dishes, clearing the tables, and various other tidying things.  She later thanked me for my help.  Made me feel like a million bucks to be able to serve my wife that way.
• Listening.  Yes, the thing that guys have difficulty with.  I have to be willing to set my book aside or my laptop, or whatever I'm working on, to listen to my wife's concerns and even just listen to what she has done in the day.  I have been intentional to greet her with a kiss and listen to the overview of the day.  This has set the tone for the rest of the evening and is a good way to acknowledge her place in my life.
• Talking.  Yep, I do talk to my wife.  I tell her about my day, about my dreams, about what God is doing in me and just about life in general.  
• Praying.  One of my favorite things is when we've settled down in bed and are just about ready to sleep.  We make a point to lie the events of the day before God.  We pray for people, we pray for needs, and we pray for our needs and marriage.  It is the best thing we have done and we intend on doing it for the rest of our lives!

Life has changed and I have had to learn to purposefully change the way I look at things.  I have to think about Brianna, before I think about myself.  This has been the best challenge I have ever had and it is a wonderful growing experience!  Yes, the marriage has barely started, but I know that I am married to the best woman that I will ever know!  The years ahead are going to be a challenge, but I know that as long as we base our marriage in God and spend the time necessary to feed and water it, that we will grow roots and branches that are strong and mighty!

How about you?  What have you learned in your marriage?  What has challenged you?

Routine has struck!

My mind has been a bit blank as to what to write about, so I decided to describe a basic day in the life of the Reagan's.

Life has sort of settled into a routine:

• We try to pray before we get out of bed
• Brianna gets up and starts getting ready for work
• Since I'm blind in the morning and have a limited amount of contact time, I doze for awhile.
• Brianna leaves
• I get up, put contacts in, have breakfast, and gather my stuff together
• Head out for prayer at church (BTW, having prayer everyday for an hour at church is fantastic!)
• Spend the next few hours helping out at the church, talking with Kyle and Pastor, hanging out with people, etc.
• Head home and try to tidy up a little (doesn't happen every day, but I do try)
• Brianna gets home, we debrief a bit about the day
• Have dinner (Brianna's been making it usually, but I contribute once in awhile)
• Then we enjoy the evening
• We really try to get to bed at 9 so that our conversation and prayer isn't too late.
• Sleep
• Rinse and Repeat

Since we're becoming more involved at church our weekends consist of relaxing and chores Saturday morning and afternoon, church in the evening, then church again in the morning.  Every other Sunday eve, we're involved in the college/career group watching The Truth Project.  

Yeah, it's nice to have a routine and get to build our relationship together.

What kind of routines do you have in your marriage?  What would you change or not change?