What Makes a Great Marriage???

Calling all “God, My Weird Spouse, and I” readers!!! We would love some reader input and comments on this question, “What makes a great marriage?” JC and I have read through several excellent marriage books and we’ve both had great examples of good marriages in our parents, and we’ve asked a lot of questions and had some awesome advice given to us. So I think we’ve got a pretty good foundation to build a great marriage relationship on. But hey, we’ve only been married 5 months, and all the book knowledge in the world doesn’t compare to living out a great marriage over time… and I know there are a lot of you out there who have more great advice and thoughts on this. I’m going to share some of the things that we’ve found, and I hope you readers out there will chime in and expand on some of our thoughts or bring up some brand new ideas!

Here are a couple basic things that I think make a great marriage:

• Not to sound cliché and all Christian-ey, but honestly, the best thing you can do for your marriage is base it in a strong faith in God. When both husband and wife are believers and they keep God first in their lives, it truly revolutionizes how they will interact as a couple, because they’re not going to be left to rely on their own strength alone… They’re going to have God’s grace and wisdom ready and available whenever they need it, for better or for worse! My favorite piece of marriage advice so far was from JC’s best man, Reece. He said, “Remember to keep your focus on serving God and serving your spouse. When you do that, marriage is awesome!”
• Communication! You can’t really know or understand your spouse without good, open communication. When JC and I spend time together communicating, whether its 3 minutes or 3 hours, we get that little bit closer to each other, we understand each other that little bit better, and we both end up feeling secure and happy. It truly opens the door to feeling safe and having complete trust between spouses
• All that fun physical stuff! :D Yes, I mean sex…. But not just that. (Yes, I am blushing while writing this… sheesh) I mean all the other stuff too, like holding hands, giving a hug, sitting with your arm around the other one, stolen smooches, snuggling in bed… There is just something about physical affection and intimacy that makes marriage fun! I can’t imagine how a couple could be close and experience a great relationship without it… Everyone needs to feel wanted and desired and attractive to their spouse. God designed physical intimacy to exist only in marriage and there’s a reason for it – it binds you closer together as a married couple… a closeness that wouldn’t happen otherwise. So, make sure you give your spouse an extra kiss today when you see them! I know I will…
• JC and I are both firm believers that humor is essential to our relationship. We discovered early on that we shared a common sense of humor and it has made for some awesome times. Sharing a good laugh together feels good, and makes both people happy! But more than just laughing at the silly stuff in life, we’ve found that laughter makes a huge difference in our ability to deal with issues. Humor helps keep possible conflict issues in perspective. It is so easy to make mountains out of molehills if we let animosity, irritation, or offence rule… so keeping a lighter perspective helps us to see how little and/or silly some of these things are (I find this incredibly useful!) It also puts us in a way better mood to bring the issue up with the other person!
• An attitude of Camaraderie. An online dictionary defined camaraderie as “a spirit of friendly good fellowship” and “mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together.” I like that! As a couple, you need to have an attitude that you take joy in being friends and in doing things together. Your spouse should be your best, most trusted friend… the person you love being with and fellowshipping with more than anyone else. We’ve found that even the simple things, when done together at friends, brings us even closer.

And that’s all that is coming to my head at the moment, so there you go…

So, what can you guys add? We want to hear what you think makes for a great marriage!

How To Make Your Wife Happy

Okay, so men usually agree that women are mysteries, and are very difficult to figure out.  There are so many differences that it doesn't seem like we really can connect and make our wives happy.  If you're like me, you hate to see your wife upset.  Plus, the old addage, Happy Wife, Happy Life, holds true, right?

First off, know that you aren't responsible for your wife's happiness, and the reverse holds true as well.  If you're struggling with feeling grumpy and depressed, look at yourself first and figure out why that's happening and why that is affecting you and your family.  One thing I've learned, it's not my wife's responsibility to keep me spiritually or even emotionally fed.  I have to know myself and my identity in Christ before I can be the husband I need to be.

We, as husbands, also need to realize that our wives are made so different than us.  Even if their primary love language isn't words of affirmation (yes, I did read The Five Love Languages), they still need your attention and the time you talk and listen to them.  Their minds and their hearts are relational based and if you take the time to listen and be part of their struggles and triumphs, you will find their love grows.

Some of the things I've found with Brianna that tend to bring us closer together:

• Our late night conversations.  We can spend hours snuggled in bed talking about everything under the sun.  From our dreams of the future, to current struggles, to even theological discussions, we cover a lot of topics.  I take the time to listen to her viewpoint, repeat it back to her if I don't get it, and to accept her view on things.
• Time.  Setting aside the time to spend with Brianna has been very important.  Take this weekend for instance.  We have church Saturday night and Sunday morning, and every other Sunday evening a college/career type group, so our weekends are very busy.  This Sunday afternoon and evening, we had nothing happening.  All of a sudden my sister-in-law calls and wants to play Settlers of Catan with us.  Normally we would jump on that; we love that game!  However, with how busy the weekend was, we needed the time to just be with each other.  Thus, we said no.  Now, we still want to play that game and will make the time to do so, we just needed that specific time together with each other.
• The little things.  My mother will attest that I don't like doing dishes.  Definitely not my favorite job in the world.  Yet, there are times that I do them.  Not because I love dishes, but because I love my wife and want to serve her.  Same with any chore around the house.  You may not do them regularly, but to be deliberate about serving your wife makes her feel like a queen!  Also, my wife loves head massages and I know I'm making her happy with that.  
• And I almost forgot:  Prayer.  We pray together every night and it connects us with each other and with God.  Something about being thankful, putting our faith together, and lifting our lives up to God is a huge encourager to our marriage.

I think my biggest piece of advice is to remember Ephesians 5:25-33.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.^{[a] 28}In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰because we are members of his body. ³¹ "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." ³²This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

 I think this passage bears a lot of thinking about and learning to apply it to your life.  It's huge to think that you take care of yourself, so you need to take care of your wife in the same way.  And also, we are little Christs, made in His image, and we can act like it.   

Your wife deserves a loving and caring husband.  She is a priceless jewel that needs your love and protection.  You are able to love her well!!

Wives: what do your husbands do that make you happy and loved?  Husbands:  what can you do to speak and care for your wife? 

Foundation

How do you build a house?  Do you start with a roof, a pile of shingles?  Or do you throw a bunch of wood and nails into the air and expect a three bedroom house to magically appear?

No.  A house is built on a foundation.  The frame goes up, the sides are put on, wiring and plumbing, drywall, all go on in the right order.

It's the same with a marriage.  Foundation matters.  What makes a good foundation for a marriage?


A relationship with God is the most stable foundation there is.  A relationship where you are spending time with Him, reading His word and each spouse is individually developing their personal time with Him.  Then you bring Him into communion with both of you.


What does this look like?  Well, in our marriage, we have been purposeful in setting time for prayer and time reading the Word.  Each morning we cover the day in prayer, giving the cares and the worries of the day to Him.  We each pray for the other, pray for protection and love to be with the other one.  We are also trying to be consistent in reading a chapter from the Bible during breakfast and discussing that.  Then, after the day has ended and we are in bed, talking about the day, we try to have an extended prayer time.  That's where we pray for the issues of the day, the family and friends that come to mind, and we praise God!


I realize that we are just married and that we haven't had the struggles yet that can plague marriage.  I realize that, but Brianna and I have set our faces to the future and we have decided that with God as our foundation, we can deal with anything.  It's important to deal with our individual selves, our own issues, but then to realize that we are one and that we need to discuss what's going on with each of us.


That leads to communication and that will be a later post.



So my challenge today to you is to look at your foundation and if there's cracks, start to deal with them.  Give your marriage to God.  Give your life to God.  Give your spouse to God.  Keep Him as the center.