How to love your wife

We all know the story:  Husband comes in after work, turns on the tv and starts to veg.  Wife comes in and starts to talk.  Husband grunts, wife wants to know what is going on in his life, husband grunts and turns up the tv.  Wife gets mad and starts yelling and eventually leaves.  (I think I just described every sitcom out there).

Men, this is not a good thing.  If your wife does not feel loved, listened to, and a part of you, she will be lonely and feel like you don't care.  This leads to dysfunction and an unhappy marriage.  Take the initiative and be involved in your wife's life. 

Here are a few practical ways to love your wife:

• Spend time with her.  Set aside the computer, the football game, the puttering in the yard, the video games and take the time to engage with her.  One of the things my wife appreciates is when I show her love by being available for her when she gets home.  I try to do chores or something not computer related when I know she's coming home soon.  
  
• Do little things for her.  Putting away dishes, doing a load of laundry, or any various chores speaks a lot to your wife.  Even the act of opening a door will show her that you love her and care for her.
  
• Be romantic.  Don't turn off that part of you just because you're married.  Bringing home a bouquet of flowers for no particular reason makes your wife feel special.  Say "I love you" and "you're beautiful" and mean it.  Again, make your wife feel special.  Don't do it in a selfish manner, but put her before yourself.
  
  
• Remember, she's made of spaghetti, following topics one right after another.  I know that can be difficult and by remembering that, you can switch boxes better.  Let her know that she's moving too fast or that you need to switch boxes before she starts talking.
  
• I know that as men we have been taught to be closed in our emotions and not let anyone in.  Guys, that's one of the surest ways to drive your wife away!  Learn how to let your walls down and let your wife see your feelings and your deepest desires.  She will respond in a myriad of ways to that intimacy and your marriage will be stronger for that.
  
• Be the leader and the protector of your marriage. 
  
• Be willing to admit your faults and be willing to work on your marriage.  Everyone can learn to love more, and you're no exception. 
  
• Take time to grow in God.  Allow the Holy Spirit to guide your life and pull you closer to Him.  Be disciplined in your reading of the Word, even if you don't like reading.  It is the best way to learn how to live your life in love and respect.
  
• Pray together.  Make a habit of going to bed and praying over each other before you go to sleep.
  
• Read marriage books and learn more ways to love your wife.  Ask the elders you know who have good, strong, and Godly marriages about what they have done.  

I know there are a lot more ways and methods to build a strong marriage.  Be open and loving to your wife and you will see yourself change and then you'll see change in her. 

Have you tried any of these ideas?  How did they work?  What other things do you do to love your wife?

What Place Does The Computer Hold?

I like computers.  I have a Facebook account, a Twitter feed, and a blog.  I like watching YouTube videos and occasionally chatting.  Yes, I even check my email every hour or less.  I play games and even get close to winning them.

Yet I have started to realize something about my time on the computer.  My computer doesn't talk to me.  It doesn't listen to my dreams.  It doesn't respond to a hug.  It doesn't confide its secrets and desires in me.

The worst thing this computer does is become a time waster.  I was recently reminded of this when we got home the other night.  I immediately turned the computer on and checked my Facebook, my email, and started a game.  Meanwhile, my wife was wanting my help with some chores, and time with me.

It also can suck my time away from pursuing God.  This makes it an idol.  Seeking God has to be our first priority in life, not seeking the high score in the latest Facebook game.

Now I'm not saying get rid of the computer or never spend time on it.  Obviously I'm using it right now.  There are many good things about the computer and many good ways to use it as a tool.  Just don't let it become your god. Find that balance in your life.

For example:  I made a commitment to my wife that I wouldn't use the computer during the evening unless we agreed on it.  It's a way that I get to say to my wife that I value her and that she's more important than any electric box. 

Where does the computer fall in your priorities?  What actions do you need to take to make a change in your life?

A Haunting Question....

Lately God has been talking to me about a few things... which is nothing new. I mean, He's always bringing things to my attention so that I continue to grow and mature, but I've had a constant nagging thought in my head for some time. And it's not my fault… really. It's Focus on the Family's fault! :)

Let me explain. A couple of months ago, our church College and Career group started watching Focus on the Family's "The Truth Project" - a set of 13 dvds (each an hour long) that deal with developing a Bible-based Christian worldview. We've watched the first 4 videos, but it is the first one that stays with me. The teacher on the dvds, Dr. Del Tackett, presented what he called a "haunting question":

"Do you really believe

that what you believe

is really real?"

Of course, any good little Christian instantly responds with a resounding "yes!". Of course, I really believe the Bible is true! Of course I really believe that God and everything about Him is true! Well, let me stop you for a moment and ask you,

"Do you really?"

Don't get me wrong, I am not by any means having a crisis of faith and doubting what I know to be true! I am however, asking us to pause and really search what's inside us and truly think about it. If we really believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God and that it is absolutely 100% true, why don't we act like it?

Why do we forget what His word says about sin and continue to live as though we're one with the world?

If we believe that Christ died so we could be free, why do we continue to wallow in bondage to our old lives?

If we truly believe that God's will for us is always best, why do we push against it and not completely surrender the moment He calls us?

If He said He would always be with us and never forsake us, why do we questions where He is in times of trouble?

If His Word states that every "good and perfect gift" comes from Him and that God does NOT tempt man (see James 1:12-14), why, when calamity and crisis and temptation strike, do we think God is causing it?

Why do we think that living in poverty is godly, when His Word makes it clear that God wants us blessed in every area of life?

If there is no possible temptation that can come against me that God cannot help me overcome, why do I succumb to the sin?

If God's Word says, "Do not Worry", "Do not Fear", why are we, as a Christian culture, consumed with them?

If we believe that the Word of God is true, why do we cut out the parts that we don't like?

If the Holy Spirit is a member of the Trinity and God (as a whole) is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, why don't we truly allow Him to move in our lives and churches? If we know that God is completely good and holy, why is that part of God scary?

If God's Word says He will provide for us, why do we immediately freak out when that unexpected bill comes in the mail?

If we truly believe that "With God all things are possible", why do we doubt His ability?

So how do we remedy this? How do we go from this flesh-minded mentality, which we all have, to where we know we're supposed to be - having the mind of Christ? How do we go from uncertainty to unshakable faith?

Now I know none of us are perfect and we all struggle with acting on and walking in God's Word. It is only through the process of spending time with God, through His Word, in prayer, in church, etc, that we grow into more mature believers, and as such, our faith grows too. As we spend more time with God, in His Word, in His Presence, we come to know that He is who He says He is.

He is to be fully trusted.

He is only Good.

He is Compassionate and Merciful and will always forgive us.

He desires only the best for us.

He protects us.

He is Holy.

He is Love.

He is Faithful.

He is All-Knowing, All-Powerful, and Ever-Present…. just to name a few.

The more we seek His face, the more we know Him and His glory, and the more our faith and dependency on Him grows, we get to the point where we can say that we absolutely "really believe that what we believe is really real!" because our lives and our walk with Christ will show it. The closer we walk with Him, the more we end up living like him, and then the doubts and fears in our hearts will begin to fade. I love 2 Corinthians 3:17-18, "¹⁷ Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. ¹⁸ But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." The more we see God, the more we become like Him. As we are changed into His image, it affects our countenance, our attitudes, our perspectives, our beliefs, our faith... our LIFE!

If we examine our own hearts and ask ourselves that "haunting question", I think we would all agree that there are some areas where we need to grow. I know I sure do! So let's take this as a challenge and let's press into the things of God with a renewed zeal! Let's seek the face of God and put Him first in our lives and let's see the changes He makes in us. Let's watch as our lives begin to truly reflect that we do really believe that what we believe is real, because we're living it!!!

A few things I have learned in Marriage

Our two month anniversary is quickly approaching and so I thought I'd sit down and talk a bit about things I have learned about marriage in this short time.

• The first is the "yes, dear."  This is the best answer for pretty much any request.  "Put the toilet seat cover down!"  "Yes, dear."  "Vacuum the crumbs up!"  "Yes, dear."  Yeah, you get the picture.  *grins*
• In actuality, being willing to help Brianna out has kept our relationship open.  She feels secure when she knows that I can help her out around the house.  Take last night for instance:  We were getting ready for people to come over and I looked up at the clock and saw that it was getting close.  I shut the laptop down and started putting away dishes, clearing the tables, and various other tidying things.  She later thanked me for my help.  Made me feel like a million bucks to be able to serve my wife that way.
• Listening.  Yes, the thing that guys have difficulty with.  I have to be willing to set my book aside or my laptop, or whatever I'm working on, to listen to my wife's concerns and even just listen to what she has done in the day.  I have been intentional to greet her with a kiss and listen to the overview of the day.  This has set the tone for the rest of the evening and is a good way to acknowledge her place in my life.
• Talking.  Yep, I do talk to my wife.  I tell her about my day, about my dreams, about what God is doing in me and just about life in general.  
• Praying.  One of my favorite things is when we've settled down in bed and are just about ready to sleep.  We make a point to lie the events of the day before God.  We pray for people, we pray for needs, and we pray for our needs and marriage.  It is the best thing we have done and we intend on doing it for the rest of our lives!

Life has changed and I have had to learn to purposefully change the way I look at things.  I have to think about Brianna, before I think about myself.  This has been the best challenge I have ever had and it is a wonderful growing experience!  Yes, the marriage has barely started, but I know that I am married to the best woman that I will ever know!  The years ahead are going to be a challenge, but I know that as long as we base our marriage in God and spend the time necessary to feed and water it, that we will grow roots and branches that are strong and mighty!

How about you?  What have you learned in your marriage?  What has challenged you?